You are DUMPED! It sounds so terrible. But in all actuality, when you do get dumped, you most likely will never hear those words from the other party. Most times you'll get sporadic responses back, given the run around, receive the cold shoulder or just completely ignored. It's not a fun situation to be in. And at any one time or another, we've all been on each side of the fence. This article seeks to give you peace of mind for being dumped. Although they don't give you a reason, any one of the below or combination of can help ease your mind in dealing with being dumped. It's not fun, it happens, but let's find out why being dumped happens.
1. Not brave enough to tell you the truth.
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Let's face it. As much as people talk about being honest and wanting to be up front, for whatever reason, it just doesn't happen. I have a friend who doesn't want to hurt the girl's feelings. So, rather than fess up and admit there's nothing there, they just keep a tight lip and act like everything's fine. Come on people, we're all adults (big assumption, I know), the truth won't kill us. And while the truth may hurt at first, it's better to know than to not know. I'm a big believer in honesty and being up front with people. I mean, why are we really considering ourselves 'living' if we can't live the truth. People are more resilient than you think. Yeah, you may think they're in love with you, but people move on. Hurt is temporary. One day, they can probably laugh about the quirk that you chose as a deal breakers. I once had a guy ask if we could brush our teeth before we kissed (true story, and we never did kiss, go figure). No, we weren't eating onions or anything like that. In fact, I don't even recall eating. But, he was honest about his expectations coupled with the fact that he admittedly had issues from his parents divorce. And I walked away okay with it. If it wasn't there, then it wasn't there. Why delay the inevitable! And to this day, I can laugh about that story. I've long since moved on, having the truth and not being left with the what if, is comforting. Who wants their life to be a mystery to themselves. You chose to cross their path in dating them, out of respect, uncross their path with honesty.
2. Dating someone else
Yeah, this one is a crush to the ego. Sometimes people think they're doing you a favor by not telling you. In all honesty, it's best to finish something off before you start another. And so letting someone off gently before you pursue another person is good practice. When being dumped involves another person in the picture, a person usually gets a sense that they've been chosen over. But not being told outright makes it even more nerve wrecking because you don't know who that person is. Nor do you know for sure if that's the reason for being dumped. And even still you don't know when this other 'thing' started. Your ego takes a major hit if you feel this could possibly be a reason. Who likes to be chosen over? I don't think anyone can say that they feel good about that. Neither do you know if you did something that was a catalyst in being dumped. Knowing what you did to lead to being dumped helps you live and learn. Every relationship should leave you with lessons learned, confusion hopefully not being one of them. It's kind of like getting a comment card back, who doesn't want to improve customer service! Self-improvement and growth is always a good thing, but being left in the dark, isn't.
3. Don't want to be confrontational
But why does it have to be confrontational, you might ask? Well, it doesn't have to be, but for some people, any type of confrontation is too much. What one person views as confrontation may not necessarily be seen like that by another. We all grow up and develop certain habits and styles of conflict resolution, some healthy, some not. Some people choose to deal with conflict head on, others avoid it at all costs. Then there are those that are somewhere in the middle. You can't change anyone's conflict style. Once you're in a relationship or married, you learn to adapt to each other's. But in dating, and especially where it's early in the relationship where you're getting dumped, getting someone to change it is difficult, to say the least. Some people might think it's not worth the time and effort to get into the trenches with you about why the end is drawing near. It may be a lot more stress and headache than they care to deal with. There are others still who will go round and round with someone trying to convince the other party otherwise of their decision to end things. If someone's dumping you, they've made up their mind and confronting would give them the possibility change their mind.
4. Too angry to bother
Yeah, this happens. We all piss people off, whether intentional or not. And if you're angry enough you'll want nothing to do with another person, dating or not. I mean, even if families or friendships of years will suffer a falling out. It's a bummer, but it happens. Unfortunately, we can't always please someone else and sometimes we run into people who get tipped off easily. This one is a hairy one as you wouldn't want to really have a discussion about this one with an angry person anyways. No one that's angry is ever rational to deal with. Anger clouds our thinking and keeps us from really doing rational thinking. Hence, if you're angry the knee jerk reaction is to just drop it. The situation may only further stir the pot should a confrontation occur. And we all know we say some hurtful things when we're angry, so why subject anyone else or yourself to more heartache than needed. And don't think that the more you apologize or try to make it up, the better you'll make it. Your efforts will get ignored and fall on deaf ears. These people are usually way beyond that to let their guard down. If they had just cause to be angry at you and you're at fault, it'd be wise to learn not to repeat that behavior. I once had a guy who called my niece a name and that drew the line for me. Bottom line, don't mess with an angry person and if needed, change your behavior if you're the cause for angering a lot of people.
5. Don't care
Sadly, some people just don't care about other people. Some of these people just don't even care for themselves, much less another human being. Respect and concern don't fall too high on their priority list. As easy as it is to dump you, is how easy it is for them just to move on to the next person, which most likely will be someone they don't care about either. You didn't serve a need for them in their lives, so they dump you. They might as well yell out 'NEXT' as they're walking away cause that's about how cold this is. Maybe you saw this in them, maybe you didn't. But, you can't make anyone care about a damn thing if they just don't. And you surely can't convince them to care about you. It's not even worth an ounce of brain power to figure out why they are this way. It just happens, someone or something in their life taught them to put up a wall to keep from caring. And if they don't care, neither should you. You obviously weren't anyone special in their book, so do yourself a favor. Stop beating yourself up and don't care either.
6. Habit
For some people, this is a way of life. Every dating person they meet, they just dump them. It's their lifestyle. It's worked for them so far, so why change it? They probably go through so many people that they date that dumping people just makes it easier and effortless to go from one to another. It's as though dating is a sport for them, but for these people they don't make it through 4 quarters. And sadly, some may thrive on this power trip of leaving people behind in the dust. I know when I've run into some jerks (and believe me, I've run into quite a few), it feels good to just drop them. Sadly, we can all think like this if we're pushed to our threshold. But it's not something I make a habit of. The finer point is that dumping is a thrill for some. It's always better to be the dumpee than the dumped, regardless if you want to be with that person or not. These habitual dumpers get there first before you do. Unless you know other people they've done this to, you most likely won't know their habitual at this. But, it happens. We are very well creatures of our habit. And just like any other habit, we do it without thought or care. And having a dumping habit is a habit I wouldn't recommend.
7. They think you're psycho
Yeah you, get labeled as psycho. Whether or not in your eyes you deserve that title is irrelevant, because in the other person's eyes your behavior classified you in the psycho category. How we spend our time is a big factor in how we define someone as psycho. We all have different levels of what we consider quality time. Some of us can be with our loved one, morning, noon, and night. I once had a guy that would, if he could, hold my hand from dusk til dawn. That was his level. That was not at all my level, and needless to say, things didn't work out. In my eyes he was needy, which could potentially lead up to the psycho level. That was enough reason for me to close the door on that one. He didn't even have to get to psycho level for me to end things, he just got far enough on the needy end to invoke the psycho alert. I didn't actually dump the guy (because of course, I'm discouraging dumping in this article), but my point is that what he thought was norm, was off the richter scale for needy/borderline psycho in my eyes. If you hit this mark in another person's book, for whatever reason, it can send off someone running in the other direction. This is actually a pretty good reason to run, because if in their mind they've already decided you're psycho, no amount of conversation or discussion will change their mind. Finding a psycho is scary and reasoning with one can be difficult, if not impossible. I've known people to endure texts and texts and phone calls months after they've already cut that person out of their life. And, if you're the one who's viewed to be psycho, then ask yourself what you did. There's always a little psycho in each of us. Who doesn't google the person they're dating! Or if they happen to be on a website where there's detail of them (i.e., sports site, work site, linkedin profile, etc), it's best not to mention the details to them that you find. You can really spook a person out if you ask them about their 3 kids and know all their names, before they even told you they have kids. Keep it mysterious and let them put themselves out there. Keep the private PI work you find to yourself and in the back of your mind.
8. They like to run away
Sadly, this is how people handle relationships. For whatever reason--being a child of a terrible divorce, having a bad relationship, experiencing your own divorce--you name it, there are just some people out there that will take flight. At a moment's notice, they can walk away, not look back and not feel one tad bit guilty about it. It's how they've learned to handle their relationships and endings. It is their issue and really has nothing to do with you. Granted, everybody always brings issues to the table to make or break a relationship, but the fact that they chose to run instead of close out the relationship is their way of handling it. It may not be a solution in your eyes, but to them, it is. It really is 'out of sight, out of mind' for them. If you're one of the ones they choose to run from, consider yourself lucky because you would be in for a world of pain. If they can leave that easily, just think of what will happen when the hard times come. I once had a guy who was so spoiled by his parents that he wasn't responsible enough to take anything seriously or deal with the hardships in life. His parents always bailed him out of experience with bad consequences. So when it came time to be there for me when I really needed him, he bailed. That's them, you're you, just accept that this is just behavior that people learn.
9. Lost contact/lost interest
Sometimes what seemed like a good idea and a great person to get to know fizzles away. For one person it may be obvious it's headed in that direction. For another, they may be blindsided to where the relationship was going or not going. I've had plenty of guys that I was dating or talking to that went on a long vacation for a few weeks. And without a word between us, when they came back we were no longer talking. Sometimes there's just not enough juice to keep something going. It happens, we all lose interest and the excitement fades once we really get to know the person. This will happen often, otherwise it'd be too easy to find our soul mates, it would be like just going to Wal-Mart and picking up a regular ole plastic cup when we could have a crystal glass. But we wouldn't know the difference because that's the only aisle we chose to look for cups at. We can't afford to just give our hearts away to anyone, only one will really know how to handle it. And until then, if the interest fades, then so be it. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. But, if you're the one who has no clue where things are headed or you do have an idea but you still want to keep talking/dating that person for whatever reason, pay attention to the clues of a fire losing its flame. You'll notice less texts, phone calls, and less dates. They won't seem as interested as they once were. Or as I've seen many times before, if you met at a club/bar not really knowing anything about each other except that there was a physical vibe and it changes quickly. You find out in the light of the day that the exciting person you met is not so interesting anymore. It happens. You just got to learn to let it go and when it's faded and gone, close the door on it. There'll always be another one to open.
The bottom line is that all in all, whatever 'relationship' you had wasn't worth the effort. It's a harsh reality. But when the effort is more than the positive results we get, it's most likely time to let go. Being dumped is a terrible feeling and people should avoid such behavior at all costs, as the old adage holds true--what goes around comes around. No one likes to be left wondering what went wrong. If anything, people deserve an explanation, so they can get closure and to learn the mistake as to possibly not repeat it. But, should you get dumped and get no explanation, take heed that it's most likely not you and could be any of the above reasons. And sometimes in life, we just don't get an answer. We just have to let go, move on with our lives and try our best to filter out people capable of that behavior. We won't always be right or sense it. But, as long as we're aware of it and strong in who we are, we'll always be able to get back up to start all over again. It isn't easy, but dating is never easy. One day you'll see all the bumps, scrapes, and bruises will be worth the pain you went through. Because you'll either grow alone as a single person or you'll do that plus grow with that special someone you find. Just always remember, if you were dumped, it just wasn't meant to be and in the long run, someone who treats you like that is not worth the mind share. Keep true to yourself and you'll do fine.
